so here i am, hiding in the girls bathroom, basicly clinging onto the wall to keeep from falling over. The guy who i was ready to have a relationship with, who

Nothing really happened today, except I actually enjoyed my theatre class.    I talked to this one guy. Okay, I must have some sort of complex because his name is Flounder, too.    My teach said bring in cupcakes for class friday cuz of my birthday.  My mom got to many so we have been pigging out on them after my horseback riding lesson.   Another thing that doesn't suck if you actually get to know the teacher.   So, I heard someonewhere that if you eat sugar before you go to bed, then you will have nightmares and I am so dessprit to have a dream that I can remember that I wil do anythng!    Any more suggestions?   post any!!!!

Update: sorry for missing so many days

So today was weird!!!!    I talked to Flounder. Well, I stood next to Honesty while he flirted with her.   Still, it was good to know that he was okay and that he will be able to play.   Because, @ the last game, I saw football scouts there!!!!    That's all I wanted, really.   Anyway, after 7th block, I gonna squared in behind the king bee himself. Lance.  I was stuck behind him and his new gf, idk what her name is, but it was really annoying.    You know, I really miss the attention these guys gave me and I really wish that they could have thought about us just being friend.     That's all I want now.   I know no one could care about me outside those parameters, so why not?

     So, my parents want to split up my birthday celebration. Just cuz they have been fighting lately.  They all ways fight. Friday will be no different.   I think it is just starting to hit all of us about my uncle.  That he is gone and never coming back.    I dont really know what I felt when I first found out, besides sad.   I think it was relife    I want to get away and that makes it slightly easier.      


I want y'all to do something for me.  Think 'My City' and tell me if it is where you live or where you want to be.  And you will just know.   It's the place that makes you relax; the place that makes you feel special.

Nothing really happened yesterday except that it's one day closer to my birthday.  It's September 16th. only 5 days left.    I'm kind of freaking out, but at teh same time, I doubt that my aunt and uncle actually know its my B-Day.

Lineman Breaks Ankle, Might Never Play Again

Okay, so that's a bit of an exaggeration.   He sprained his ankle and IDK how long he is out, but it just sounded more dramatic, you know?   Not gonna go into much detail.   All I can say is the Flounder twisted his ankle and I an constantly worried.   he tried to tell me what happened, but i couldn't hear.  IDK y i didn't tell him that.   Oh wait, he's Flounder the fucking Fish!   night y'all!!!

I'm not over you. The words we all say and we all want to hear.   That's not something that we want to say either.   I know a guy, Lance, i guess we could call him.   Well, I like Lance. A lot. But he doesn't really know I exisit. So, he and his gf were about two feet in front of me and they kissed and my heart literally broke.   The way he kissed her, the way he spun her away from her friends to have more time with the girl.    I wish he would do that with me.    But, I kind of just want him to be happy since he can't or won't be with me.    Help?

Europe!!!!

So, I had an oppertunity to go to Europe and turns out that
1.  My mom is losing her job
2.  The thing is a rip off
3.  I don't have enough money
              I wish that I didn't have to wait for something like this to happen, I wish I could just hop on a jet and fly to Europe every Friday night.   I want so desperately to be there.

Everyday, we go thorough the motions.   Get dressed, eat breakfast, go to school.   And everyday, something bad always happens.    For me, it's that, whenever I have a good day, some I know dies.    I'm not kidding.   If I have a good day, typically at school, someone I know, someone in my family drops dead.     It may be a bit superstisous, but it is true.    Any time something good happens, that ends up happening. You might say to yourself 'this person is being overly dramatic and rambeling on about herself', but it's true.    First, there were my grandpa's, they were the first to go. Then my grandma @ 5    I had just gotten something I had always wanted.    Then there was my cousin.   On halloween night, I was having the time of my life.   I had gotten an 'A' on my English test the day my dog died. And the day I finally talked to my crush and everything was right with the world, my uncle dies.    SO no conicidence!  

Who knows?

I've been looking over the last few days and, like any situation, it turns out that people you thought you knew are completely different than they lead you to believe.       A really creepy guy can be really sweet and your best friend can be a total bitch.    Every day, people you know tell you a lie.   It can be a white lie, to protect someones feelings, or it can be a big lie that means a lot to you.   And every day, we think we know so much.    Look around you.  Tell me, what do you see?  Now tell me, how much of it is real?

Help Change The World

Ghodi once said, be the change you want to see in the world......well, this weekend, I think I have finally started to understand our peace-loving, bald old man.    It's kind of like fashion trends.   You have to do something before it catches on.   You have to do something before you see that happen.      I can't make any promises, readers, but I can tell you that, I am going to be trying a lot harder to do just that.    (Not the fashion trend thing) And I will need your help.   Everyone, post something you want to change and we will change it together.

Revelation

                                  So, I was watching Take Me Home Tonight and it just hit me.   I don't have to wait for something special to happen in my life, I make it happen.     It made me feel like a giant weight was lifted off my shoulders.   It.....made me feel like myself, something I haven't been in a long time.      I have always been trying to be something that I'm not, always been trying to live up to everybody's expectations.  Maybe they should start living up to mine.    And I can just be me.

Weekends are complicated!!!

So there was like no point to yesterday.  I did nothing except mow the lawns, we didn't go anywhere except to see my gma.     And we didn't get to go to santicaligon.   We are today, but that's not the point.    I love the smell of the air outside, though.     It's got that crisp tinge to it.      Contemplated having an identical twin sister.   Idk y, but it doesn't seem outside the realm of possibilities.      I've been sitting on the couch, txting friends, and watching tv.   I was SO exasted    still from the visitation I guess.    So, yesterday, I saw a face in the clouds and I knew, i just knew that it was my uncle kenny.  I don't know how or why, but it brought me peace.       I keep thinking about some weird peter pan romance that i could write.   but I can't write something else until I'm finished with my thing im working on right now.     So many thoughts at one time.  it's insane in my head.    also, i really think my parents take me for granted.   I want to teach them a lesson, but I don't know if i could. 

You guys know that show, 'Haven', right?  Well, I was watching lasts nights and the theme song, it just speaks to me and I get this unbearable longing. I have no idea what that is about, but it is kind of cool.      Anyway, the visitation was....different. I saw my cousin, Joey, nearly cry and it made me cry.   Is it weird to say that your cousin is cute?  So, everybody cried at least once, but everyone else was joking around and it really ticked me off.    So, I have to go.  My mom's nagging me about the dishwasher.   See ya!

Hey, just got home.   You all saw my last posts and know what's going on.   What you don't know it that, my friend, let's call her Athena.   Well, Athena gets to go to Europe!   I am so excited for her, but I still want to go before she does, which I know wont happen.   I am going next year and that is only to France while she is going to a BUNCH of places.    Well, about #72. He is still #72 and he is still Mr. unapproachable. Nothing has really changed on that front. All  can hope is that the longer time spent away from him and from middle school, the less I will like him.   Did you know that by age 16, over 60% of people all over the world have already met the person they are going to marry?  Not that I want to marry #72!   That would be insane!   He is a complete skeeze ball. Which seems to make it all the more confusing as to why I still like him.   I know for a fact that he has never thought of me like that. As more than just 'there'.  How, you ask? Because, if he did, I hope to god he would have said something by now!   If he does, and he hasn't said anything, then I am just wasting my time with all of this.   Please people, any advice?

Today I thought of so many thing. Flounder. Sebastian. The fact that I have like a wheel barrow full of homework. But the truth is, no matter what I thought of, He always came back into my mind. The guy that means so much that I have to capitalize he to express his awesomeness. He has many names. jock strap. block head. but to y'all, ill just call him # 72

I haven't said anyhting abou Flounder recently.   Well, last I checked, he just got out of a relationship and he is still a tool. And I wouldn't go so far as to say that I have moved on, I just don't hang on his every word anymore. We barely talk. I did talk to this one guys, lets call him Sebastian. But he cut it off as soon as school started, so I'm basically stuck txting my girlfriends.    I SO miss Flounder.   I was jsut reading some of my old posts and I was like 'I remember that!  Dimly.'   I just wish I could go back in time to when things were good and I could goof around with him in the hallways whenever instead of just saying 'Hi,' in passing.   It's getting annoying.   But what am I to do?   He won't txt me.   So I am left to my last resort.   I have to flirt with him in the hallway. That is the only way I can make him even somewhat like me.   Ah, high school.   Where I will always be known as

                                                                                   THAT GIRL

List of Me

We have gotten through the whole awkward intro and all so know I just want to recap.
1. I have basically no life
2. I am a sophomore and have never been to a party besides a birthday one
3. I am crushing on a guy who doesn't want to acknowledge that I exisist
4. I have one year to change everything about me
and 5. I don't want the always be

                                                                                         THAT GIRL

I'm THAT GIRL

My uncle died yesterday.  I know, it's sad, but I'm not worried about me. More his wife and kids.   So, I have been talking to this guy, Scott, and I like him kind of, but he just got a girl friend.    Um, so how do I start this over again. I'm a sophmore now.   I want to lie and say that my entire life is different, but it's not.   It's pretty much the same.   New friends, new stories, but same old me.    Anyway....   there is Scott, Shawn, and the infamous Lane. The guy I have been conflicting over for like a year.   I just wish that one of them would notice me as something other than a friend or a fuck bag.   Not that I have ever been with any of them.   OMG! This is so confusing!    I'll catch y'all later.   Plus, I am SO changing the title of this blog!!!